I’ve been thinking for a while about silly little stuff I used to write when I was in elementary. Stupid books. Short stories. Completely unadulterated and entirely simple things. Through the years, I know I haven’t thrown any of that out, really. At least nothing that really meant anything. So I’d gotten to wondering where all of that stuff was at. I searched my room. I searched my house. Why, I even searched the hard drives of old computers (though that might be in a different section). I knew there was old stuff of mine somewhere.

And I found it.

So without further ado, I welcome you to share in the analysis and absurdity of shit I wrote when I was in elementary.

  • Autumn Poem (Unadulterated) - It reads: “Jump in the raked leaves/ The weather is getting cold/ Big trees turning green”. This is a short poem I think I would have filled in in the first or second grade. Notice the lovely leaf cut-out, and the red coloring all around it in uneven, chunky crayon or colored pencil lines. Clearly […]
  • Advencere (Unadulterated) - Oh, boy. Where to begin with this one! I suppose for those of you who aren’t me I should probably translate my shitty handwriting: “If I was deserted on a island I would go fishen’. If there were no fish, i’d serch for cocanuts. If there were no cocanuts, I guess i’d just die. But […]
  • The Most Trouble I Ever Got Into (Unadulterated) - So when I was in the first or second grade, I attempted multiple times to forge my mother’s signature. The reason I did this was because I was given a referral. Referrals at my elementary school were not a good thing. It was basically a referral to go talk to the principal. For some reason, […]
  • If I Could Be Any Age – Unadulterated - This page looks like it’s been put through the wringer. Transcript: “If I could be any age I would want to be seven because being young rocks. You can get more toys than grown-ups, like race car tracks, star wars legos, police kit. Anyway I’m just saying that being young rocks!” Oh boy. This one’s […]