News – Everything Bad Forever

Day 1,159 – Citizens from all around Reality City have gathered around and made it official: everything is bad and will be forever.

This comes straight from the top of the digital age, and so each citizen has declared that independent associations are bad, and therefore everything is bad forever. Research suggests that what follows next will be an unparalleled era of turmoil and despair.

“I couldn’t believe everyone else thought the same thing,” says Joseph, a resident of the Un district. “I guess as soon as we all decided things were awful, they got worse. We must all be thinking the same thing, but we’re only thinking that because we’re right.”

In downtown today, our field reporters have seen protesters stopping traffic waving signs that say ‘Everything is Bad – Give Up’. When asked what this means, one protester was willing to be interviewed, saying, “Everything just seems pretty awful right now, so it’s my job to convince others the same thing. It’s not a task I take any joy in doing, but if I don’t tell others that everything is bad, then who is?”

Joseph continues, “I come downtown for business, and y’know, everything is going alright, but the world always seemed like such an awful place and I didn’t think anyone else noticed. I’m glad I’ve finally found a cause to get behind.” Joseph is a member of local government in his neighborhood of Un, and most people there share his views, too.

The Administration has declared that: “if people think everything is bad, then it must be bad”, issuing an official alert to all televisions this morning. If you didn’t catch the bulletin, the jist of the short presentation was in the screen saver also sent to all active computers in Reality City, Somewhere Else.

everything bad forever.gif

This panel was visible for a full thirty seconds before televisions returned to regularly scheduled programming, and computers experienced no further interruptions.

The Administration would like to remind everyone that even though everything is bad forever doesn’t mean it should put a damper on your day. They urge citizens to continue about as if nothing happened, because in essence, nothing is new relative to yesterday.

Remember, everyone, reality is most certainly what you make of it. Stay safe this evening!

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