SERE Kit – Journal 12/19/17

Things published in certain ways can influence the way you speak, think, and record your own self as you go about your life. That’s where I think the importance of reading lies, the solitary consumption of words give people ways to decipher each other’s meanings in the words we say. I could say that’s one of the reasons I choose to right a lot of poetry, and why above all else I can count on myself to feel that desire to lineate above all other expression.

Poetry is a condensed form of novelization. It’s a highly-interpretive forum for an author to say what could be complete gibberish, and have someone on the other side put it together. Like military codes without codebooks. You just figure out where to drop the bombs.

As such, I almost always post a poem here a day at Radio Reality City. I think it’s a very easy way to spread the art of language in a nearly contextless way. 9:30 in the morning: a poem is live. And up to the person who finds it to make sense of it.

To be clear, I’m not bashing other arts. But I do think that abstracter arts are the ones that are more compelling. At least that’s what I used to say to people who weren’t fond of poetry, because I think you can find a comfort in having your hand held the entire way through a plot. What if that plot is four lines long and has no punctuation? What’s there to be pieced together? Quite a bit, if the author can find a way to make dense the diction.

All this to say: I’ve picked up the novel House of Leaves. Haven’t done much with it yet, but I have it and intend to dive in.

Wordy wordy wordy words. I find myself at a work computer with my head in my hands from waking up early today. Early for me being 7 AM. Yeah, go ahead and gatekeep, I normally work evenings or have evening classes so my mornings really start at 10 or 11 on an average day. Today is no average day.

Even that admonition against the day is a way to influence how my character is presented here on RRC. I remember in middle school when being depressed was what made everyone unique. Everyone projected a character of hopelessness or emoism, and somehow that let everyone be able to interact on that same level. As unguided and juvenile as it is, it worked.

Now you can find all sorts of people making self-deprecating jokes, and that’s just the evolution of such representation.

So no, I’m not depressed. I don’t think I ever have been. And even though I’m tired, I’m here, and it’s only a matter of time before I finally wake up. Aaaaand until then every little thing is just a little more annoying. Meh, I can handle that.

Hello, how are you? I guess it’s time to move away from the waxing portion of this one and talk about personal stuff that’s actually happening.

Well, I’m tentatively clutching an Associate’s of Arts degree. That’s pretty cool, but still fighting the last few centimeters for it.

Abandon Ship is on the horizon, and I can’t wait to jump. I even completely accidentally ended my Lithium Autumn submission with Abandon Ship, like it makes sense! Crazy.

Mount Si go number 2 is tomorrow! Found some coworkers that want to go hiking, and our first climb will be that glorious piece of granite! And a storm has crept in. Perfect, right?

Kirke: wonderful as always.

The Punisher is probably the best damn series I’ve ever seen.

My spare time lately has been spent staring into space while watching the news. Yesterday a new Amtrak line in the county went totally off the rails over THE major freeway, locally. Which is nuts. I didn’t think that happened anymore, yet here we are. In with the news is all the… fascinating new depths corporate America and federal America are plunging through.

This branches off rather cleanly into a topic I’m still pretty light on in day-to-day journaling here, and that’s politics. Check it: I used to think way on the side of “politics is something literal nerds study”. Nowadays I’ve come to realize that everybody in the world needs to be involved in politics, because everybody is effected by it. The good, the bad, the weird, ugly, vitriolic, educated, everybody.

I live in a system that is becoming increasingly malicious towards the people it serves. Kinda like EA back in 2008.

With that in mind, I have become nearly hyper-capitalist when it comes to making my own way. I feel like if I want something, I need to take it. This has led to a very strange, indescribable sensation of needing to be calculated and steps ahead of everything I do. Mind games have taken on a new meaning. I can’t just make action, I need to think of why and how to action. But it’s easier to be steps ahead when the opposition and end goal is clear.

If someone needs help that I can provide, I will provide it. But if I want to self-publish, no one else is going to do that for me. That’s actually in the definition of the phrase.

That’s the mentality I will carry into my political writings. I love other authors for their voices on matters of the sort, but I haven’t firmly placed myself on the side of “write it” until now. Even in art, the truth can be a very awful thing, and that’s a reality.

Yet there is still fun to be had in a place that takes itself slightly more seriously than it did yesterday. Even if yesterday’s “Trust” was very similar to things I read in Autumn House last year. To reiterate: definitely not depressed. But when I write these things I think about what I’ve been thinking lately. There’s a word for that, but I’m tired and can’t be bothered to look it up.

Man, we really went from waxing poetic to waxing poetic, didn’t we?

Right: I really don’t want to become a heavy-all-the-time super serious unfunny character on your screen as more of these come out. Worse blogs are more opinionated, but I’m always worried about how I’m represented. I’m much more humorous and loud in person.

Trust me.

So consume reality, all who read these words. Invest in yourself! You’ll get better returns than you will on $GPRO trading!

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