One One-billionth Here – Journal 12/6/17

December has made my mind numb. I feel like I’m learning a lot more about stuff in general and I haven’t had a lot of grounding from keeping my head out of the clouds. I’m covering shifts left and right, pushing through the last week until I get an associate’s degree, and continuing to talk about Kirke outside of myself.

I’m riding into 2018 listening to Chemical (ft. Five Knives) by Xilent. That one really caught on with me over the course of this year.

Man, I’m really struggling to put together something coherent. Let’s talk about my weekend. I worked a lot. Wrote a thing or two. Did more with dazzle designs. Cubism is really taking a hold of my whole “art style” as it were. I wrote the 5th poem in the Murmur box set, titled Arrhythmia. I made a couple of attempts to write a rehashing for the entire Murmur set (consisting of Murmur, Palpitation, Irregular, and Flutter), but I haven’t gotten myself together for that. Got my hair cut. Shaved after the end of movember. Trying to resume life after a beard is harrowing.

I visited my favorite educator of all time again, that’s always quite nice. That’s always an environment that makes me think.

Just… I am burned out. It probably shows. The GOP bill passed this weekend, and in a completely unrelated note all the equity I gained in investments went away when the markets opened. Net neutrality is set to be repealed, regardless of the good fight being fought.

See, when I initially start a journal, a lot of extremely notable things have happened since the last. Hell, in the last journal I totally neglected to mention that on November 30th, Radio Reality City surpassed 10,000 lifetime views. Which, for a little literary and arts website such as this, is kind of a big deal. I’m going to put together a poem for it, since I know who was the 10,000th hit. That’ll be fun.

But aside from that and things I can’t talk about yet, not a lot has gone on.

I’ve been allowing myself to feel like a lech today by booting up Skyrim for the first time since July. And I attempted Mirror’s Edge Catalyst again, but god damn that game is difficult to navigate. How did they fuck up open-world free running? I’ll have to write up a criticism of the franchise, now that I can do that!

Today is a drab day. Drab, boring, useless, day. And it’s pretty great. I’ve been moving so fast these days that it feels unnatural to not do anything. When I was younger, my Saturday mornings consisted of waking up, taking my blanket out to the living room, and playing Timesplitters until the adults of the house woke up to kick up off. Now that I’ve got a girlfriend I love, a job I love, doing things I enjoy doing, and taking responsibilities it feels unlike me to not do anything. It’s 2:30 PM here and I haven’t accomplish a damn thing except for a couple of quests and a poem.

So it feels good, but kinda not, because I’m not accomplishing anything. I should be okay with having a half a day off, but somehow it isn’t that fulfilling.

I guess this journal’s going to be about what I do when I’m idle.

I like long youtube videos on my phone, playing the PS4, writing, talking to people on Snapchat, and reading wikipedia. Recently I’ve enjoyed learning about how meteorites are located in the desert, and the industry behind it. It’s quite fascinating. I’ve also been enjoying a poetry collection called “Pacific Walkers”, published by the University of Washington Press. It’s all poetry about John Does in the Spokane Medical database, where the author writes poetry about a possible part of their life based on things that were found on their person when their bodies were discovered. It’s quite a neat idea, and I’ve been enjoying how abstract it can get.

Interestingly, my main hobby isn’t catered to well when I’m bored. I can’t draw or write consistently when I’m off, and that fact has irritated me since I got out of high school. Even with this relatively simple dazzle patterning I’m taking up, I can’t just do it when there’s nothing else to ignore. Hopefully thinking about it helps.

So that’s it for this journal. Apologies for not being more high-energy, but at least this didn’t turn into a discussion about the state of the world and how shitty everything is. I’m writing more political lately, and that’s been a healthy outlet for frustration. That’s something that can be never taken away. I’m using all my energy to write about stuff.

Let’s leave with an excerpt from the latest poem in the Murmur box series, “Arrhythmia”:

And rhapsody

Shape of the waves
Beating on return
To the same coast
But stained differently”

Thankfully, as I near 1,000 poems, things are getting much more complex.

Consume reality! Radio Reality City!

This is The Host, saying thank you very much for tuning in!

Published by Jake Thomas Shaw

Concerned with memory, currency, and destiny, I strive to capture each one as they happen. Join me and consume reality! Radio Reality. City!

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