I don’t roller skate as well as I used to. Within 10 minutes of showing up to the roller rink for a college event, I fell directly onto my ass hard enough to register on the richter scale. Which is fine. I didn’t need an intact pelvis anyways. All it did really was limit my capacity to lay down and sit at certain angles. Such as when driving for long periods of time. Lesson learned? Maybe not. A pair of inline skates sounds pretty good right now.
I have other things on mind, too. Actually going to be doing something pretty cool, but I can’t really document it anywhere quite yet. It’s called Project Truth. The nature of this project is going to be the achievement of tangible freedom, and I’m going to need a lot of help. That’s all I can say for now.
Writing is slowed down at the moment. There’s a lot of stresses from a bunch of different sides of my lives right now. I’ve got a lot of moving stuff to work with and work itself and school wrapping up and this new project.
As such, some of my spare time has been spent following EA Games’ wonderful downward spiral with Battlefront 2. I’ve also been playing a lot of For Honor lately because they released a character that’s a batshit crazy viking witch chick that eats people. So that’s good. Stock playing has also been pretty good lately. No music finds recently, but I’ve been listening to Light Control by Solar Fields quite a bit lately. Highly recommended.
If you’ll notice, I’m trying to expand the longer-form sections of the site ever so slightly. Reviews, rehashings, and journals (to their own credit), are starting to get a little more standard. They just take a while to put out.
I’m enjoying rehashing my old work with a more experienced eye. Some stuff, like Virgo Olympus and Jolokia Simulair, can be interpreted to be a lot deeper than when I wrote them. There are more meanings hidden in some of those poems from a year or two ago than there are from anything I’ve written within the last week. It’s funny how that works out.
This makes me wonder if maybe a little subconscious trickles over and makes things more complex than they have to be when I wrote stuff a while ago. But then thinking that would be pretentious of me. If it’s self-aware is it still witty? Who the fuck cares, at this point.
“Things look brighter when you stop looking internally.”
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll find that my username is jakefuckingshaw at the moment. That’s part of the not looking internally, being so happy that you’re not concerned about yourself. I think that’s part of it, at least. It’s a kind of zen, but another kind is to be just enjoying living, not just being happy with yourself.
I was present at an Eagle Scout ceremony yesterday, and I have to say it gave me some flashbacks. When I was a boy scout, nothing about the state of the world was visible to me yet. But the scouts have their internal values and laws and I could see how these organizations become so prolific. They have some very hard and fast rules about specific things, and then there’s a grey area of where you can use the skills you obtain.
Boy scouts and their ranks are inducted into the military all the time. They “achieve”, as the ceremony was quick to remind everybody of the statistics of this. Am I just a statistic because I was in those shoes once? Did the color guard, been a part of such ceremony, camped out, got merit badges, and everything?
I couldn’t help but think of it as achievement hunting. Yet with a purpose, nearly.
Yet here I am torn between to lines of thinking. On one hand, I love the idea of people being taught how to be pioneers for a society. I really do. How to survive, create a community, and have it persist. But on the other hand I think the idea of societal wholesomeness is incredibly unfounded. Goodwill as a whole is in short supply, and I think that’s the way of the world. Another headline comes to pass and some of us think “How could somebody do something like that?” Yet we all know the answer, and it’s easy to figure it out.
You really have to be happy with yourself and your current status to be a happy person in society. Maybe that’s what these wholesome organizations teaches people, how to be happy with themselves. I could name a few off the top of my head that seem to work, but the problem I encounter there is an entire culture behind it. Associating.
Boy Scouts was plagued by scout moms, lifers, and overtly lazy scouts. It made the experience rather dull after Weblos, since Eagle ranks were rather easy to obtain in my troop. And then all the scouts who ran the place, older than me by about 2 or 3 years, clearly didn’t care about being present at meetings. Once I felt that valor but now I really don’t want to.
I’ve never been a fan of pageantry. I didn’t want to go to either my prom or high school graduation. There will be no associates degree graduation for me, since I don’t want one. I just want it to be done and over with.
So to me, it’s not about affiliating yourself with an organization, or a need to fulfill yourself by being a part of something larger, it’s about building a sense of positive self-satisfaction through your means. For some, this is religion, For others, this is sports. For me, it’s writing.
It can be hard not to judge people for being different, but just because they didn’t find happiness the way you did doesn’t mean they won’t do their part to make the world a better place for the both of you. These words getting thrown around like “bigot” only serve to widen a gap between individuals. It’s as if nobody looks at someone with an opposing perspective and says “hey, I wonder why that is, it could be interesting to learn about”. Usually, it becomes an us-versus-them mentality.
And this mob mentality that arises sometimes is in the name of goodness. When EA fucks over a potentially-amazing product in order to appease its shareholders, and people say something about it. When internet is about to be stripped of its neutral status as a utility, and only Reddit is batting an eyelash. When money is an object, but ideas can be chastised so much more easily when they’re different.
That’s why this world is savage. We don’t fight for ourselves, we fight for our groups.
We only fight using alter egoes.
Right now, that’s reality. This is the host, saying the truth will be revealed.
Consume reality. Radio Reality City!
Thank you for tuning in to this rambling-as-fuck journal. I promise, I’m not always like this. But I can get there. Hey, and it’s time for work! Maybe I’ll put a photo up later on as recompense for putting a bunch of heavy thoughts out right now.
Anyways, thank you for tuning in. Maybe look through some poetry and keep up with the waves! https://radioreality.city