Burn Out – Journal 10/14/17

Since the last few journals have notably included a lot of critique instead of personal details about my life I’m making a new feature on the website for criticisms! I’m not entirely sure what to call it yet, but it’s definitely up and coming seeing as I’m highly opinionated and need an outlet.

So that’s good, hopefully this journal won’t turn into a criticism of anything and instead I’ll just spiel about my life like everyone likes these journals for. That works, so let’s do it.

I woke up this morning after a double at work. I’m housesitting just for this morning and early afternoon, and the cracked frosty air was welcoming to walk out in. I got some photos of steam coming off of a field lit up by fresh sunlight. Closing tonight, and doing a double tomorrow. Similar to last weekend. I’m a little gummed up with work and class, but I’ve been finding a lot of time to write here, clearly.

Lately things have been on a fantastic upswing. I’m averaging about 2 to 3 poems a day like I was in spring now that summer is starting to set in well enough. Trying to keep in mind the last year’s worth of ideas I haven’t yet gotten around to writing. Among those are the “Middle Field” and “Cupcake Bodywash”. They’re pretty up and coming.

At the moment I’m looking around and making sure I’m happy. Every so often I get into a mode where I just go for months at a time without looking up and looking around. When people around me continue to find huge successes by objective definition, I think it’s only natural to look around. It doesn’t hurt to be secure.

People these days are so concerned with identity. That’s no secret, and I’ve talked about it before. More and more piles on while I’m writing so much and needing to get out there somehow. Tacoma and Seattle SLAM scenes still seem so far away to me. It’s a lot about just getting up there and doing it, but I haven’t been able to. Between certain limitations, work, and school, not a lot I’m able to do here.

My identity is in my poetry. I just need to get on a stage.

In my boredom I am coming up with something to present to the Mad Tea Co. and Anthem to carry. Still conceptual, but the marketing effort is coming back.

Today is just a haze, a moment where I look up from the grind and notice nothing’s really different. It’s getting to the point where I’m seeing I no longer have weekends. Or days off. Just brief moments of respite between things I’m supposed to do. My writing is improving but I need a break of some variety really soon. Nearly non-stop producing content on here and having a social life/work life/college life is becoming a little hectic. Not that I couldn’t stop one thing and have everything be okay, I’m sure I could. But I need to be stronger.

I’ve led myself to believe that this haze is all in my head. Aside from my actual cold I’m experiencing at the moment, I do think it’s a matter of being stronger in one form or another. Resilience. I can demonstrate this, and so I shall.

Pressing on, full force forward, Radio Reality City.

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