Finally found myself in a headspace to get into writing “That Bellingham Girl”. This business of writing to remember means that I can never really forget. It sucks in some ways but in others it’s fantastic. You find out what can get to you, and what stakes there are when it comes to the people in your life.
I’m moving in with people I reconnected with through work. I was able to kill some pretty deep inner demons by contacting the demons themselves this summer. By going to places of hard-rooted memories and making new things happen in a new frame of reference.
See, the thing about reality is that it’s independent of facts. Through this, you are gaoled by your perspective. Only by reaching out will you learn what your reality is.
My father is a firm believer in the benign nature of words. He argues that the execution of ideas is more valuable than the communication of such. I’m at odds with this. We live in a world where people make gofundme accounts to support their university goals instead of getting and maintaining a job. Actions aren’t in the best interests of a lot of people’s agendas these days. It seems to be more common that people advertise themselves and their beliefs more than doing much about it. Which is partly why a bunch of people (including myself) believe this country is headed for a really violent conflict within the next 50 years or so.
Until that happens I’m going to continue to carve out a market for this thing I call poetry.
Let’s dive into a section of this excerpt from “That Bellingham Girl”:
“That Bellingham girl
Has a cute button nose
And a quiet smile
Understated and subtle
She majors in biology
Works at a coffee shop
That Bellingham girl
Has a lot on her plate”
These are the first two stanzas of a very long overdue poem. Been promised since at least last year, I think, if I did make that promise. Hopefully this proves something.
But! I find myself in a weird numb space where emotion is flying around and all that angsty shit is coming back, and I’m remembering what has the potential to be the most impactful thing I’ve ever heard. “… you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself or brood over things like you do. Stop focusing so much on others and just write about how beautifully orange a blanket is. When you stop thinking internally things look a lot brighter. I’m sure you’re introspective enough to know what to do without me saying anything.”
Here I go picking and choosing what my reality is again. Within that is the idea that if you so choose, your past can be viewed through a rose-tinted lens where nothing but the positive remains. When you do that things can look like a beautiful orange blanket.
“That Bellingham Girl” was meant to be a very robust romance poem, but the era it would have been written is has long since passed. I think that it still can be. I’m going to try to do it, donning those rosy glasses and seeing past all the negatives of the past. And if she’s reading this, this last line of the paragraph should be a clear indication. Anything is possible in Radio Reality City.
Speaking of which, I’m doing website styling now! Check out the link buttons! They pop up red when you mouse over them! The poetry tabs have had a huge facelift, and the background CSS of RadioReality.City is increasingly custom! This isn’t even what I’d call hardcore coding, it’s just aesthetics, but damn is there a lot. Apparently there’s 3,024 lines of code to mess with and I’ve only done editing in 124 of those. Makes it seem like a massive task to undertake.
As massive a task as gutting my room and preparing to move in November. Man, if I’d told myself a year ago where I would be now, I think I’d hardly believe myself. A year ago I was working security at the fair, in a steady relationship, entering the second year of community college. This period of my life indicates a break of some sort. Something happened that I still can’t explain. Maybe it was when I cut my hair initially at the beginning of October that seemed to change stuff. Go look at my poems from that period, because you can now!
Going into Labor Monday, I’m listening to Deadmau5’s while(1<2). Fantastic album that I only now just came across. I feel like I’ve been missing too many things lately!
Remember, readers, anything is possible in Radio Reality City. Perception builds the facts that you associate with. Be the architect of the universe you want to thrive in.
I see the depths you reference.