Sun’s Up, Guns Up – Journal 6/25/17

One thing about summer in Washington is that the entire place is ill-equipped. People’s reactions tend to be a little overstated. Somehow, every single year, the hardware stores of the Pierce and King counties sell out of fans. Every year? Where the fuck are the ones from last year going?

Anyways, the hot weather is in full swing here. 96 degrees today after some pretty damn temperate weeks. It hit all at once this time, and I’m struck with nostalgia of camping trips from last year as well as the occasional hike. I hope I can find a group to go with this season now that I have some proper gear and a good camera to snap things with. I have someone that’s willing to go up Mount Si with me, thankfully. I shall definitely come back from that trip with some damn good photos.

It’s been really interesting lately as I experience some grief with that mentioned nostalgia as well as the nostalgia for everything long since past. For example, in my last journal (maybe the one before) I mention how, stylistically and symbolically, the seasons represent different stages of life/maturity/wisdom. Autumn has a lot of value to me, and in autumn I always feel very free and alive, in stark contrast to its classical meaning in literature. Summer is supposed to be a time of freedom and innocence, for lack of a better term, yet this time I’m not feeling it yet.

Hot weather brings it back a little bit. And as I come off of some waves of grief from this weekend about pathways I’ll never be able to step another foot on, resisting all the while temptation to step back and see if some pathways are still there, the heat has finally arrived.

Today I’m listening to Kauf’s “Pacify”. Highly recommended to check that one out. It reminds me of this time, this kind of heat. Similarly to how I have ties to Xilent’s “Kill Me” when I’m thinking about Mount Si, I think of “Pacify” in nearly the exact same way. I believe it was the same place I discovered them, North Bend. There’s a lot of webs, and that’s part of the intrinsic value of music.

A piece of art doesn’t have to mean anything in particular. There is no one correct meaning to it, that’s why it exists. It’s whatever it means to you. Subjective, some pricks like to say. Me, I think it’s just in taking what you need from it.

Listening to “Pacify” on the 96 degree drive from work today, I got goosebumps. That’s what art is supposed to do.

This would be the second time in a while that I’ve rambled with not much prompting. I fear in this wave of grief I’m vulnerable again, which would mean looking back at those pathways now (I like to think) gone. There’s always some pain in that nostalgia. Summer means we look ahead.

In the spirit of that, I’m writing for a website now! https://ageofshitlords.com has now been graced with the presence of myself! That should be a lot of fun. Large audience, content I like to consume and talk about, so that should be quite fitting.

As for writing creatively these days, my taps haven’t run dry but I haven’t been able to come up with a lot lately. Seattle didn’t urge a lot out of me, but in its stead that grief wave crashed into me. This always prompts me writing and gushing out some bullshit into a format anyone else would care about. So I have that poem “Brave” from being in Seattle, and this journal’s excerpt from a poem called “Illusion”:

“As the knife of fate
Between your fingers
Is cast at the target
Fixed to the wheel

I want you to cut me deep
And reveal that this is what’s real”

In which the poem is about what in these relationships is real, hence the title. Seeing through the white lies and all that stuff. Relationship poetry tends to be my strong suit, unless we’re talking about abstract stuff. In that case, I’m your damn man.

Tonight I’ve resolved myself to the downstairs of my house where it’s cooler, putting on some music videos on the TV, with the intention to do that whole “be inspired” thing that people who do NANOWRIMO can fucking do so well. See what muses and demons I can summon and make happen on the page.

More and more I find myself vexed by horror. I think I need to do something with that very soon or else I’ll go crazy.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll be updating here when I get articles onto Age of Shitlords, as well, because that’s pretty exciting! More photos incoming, always more poetry, and meanwhile I’ll try to expand the site a little more in terms of the content I put out. I keep trying to find ways to make the journal side here a little better. Maybe less rambly? What do you think? I’d love to hear it.

Happy reading, Radio Reality. City-ers! All 202 of you! This is only ever going to get better!

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