Worst Side of Me

You got what you were
Looking for
I guess

2 AM before a final
A year and a half
After we stopped
Talking

2 years and 3 months
After I ripped
Your heart to shreds

Didn’t listen
To anything you said

“I hate that I love you”
I can understand that
Feeling now but

Somewhere deep inside I
Protested
That this was something
I took to bed one night

And decided to make it all
Your fault

I guess this wasn’t the
Best thing to do

Playing my cards
And breaking you

Am I over it yet
Or have you just
Raised all the god
Damn stakes

From 39
Miles
And years
Away?

I guess that wasn’t
The best side of me
When you were crying
Because of me

You got your revenge
With all the quotes
You said

“I wish this past
4 days was just
A dream”

“Selfish as fuck”

Since then it’s been
Waves
Washing over me

Feeling it all around

I feel like I’m hexed
Or cursed myself
Can’t ever say enough
For the things I did

I can’t apologize
Or take it back
Can’t punish myself enough
Or take a whip and crack

It across my back
Enough
To leave canyons of scars
Arcing across my spine

“Selfish and cold lying
Piece of scum”
Now that time’s past
I can see that’s what I had
Become

“I’m shaking and I’m hurt
And I want to punch you
And I want to hug you”

If only I could see myself
Then
What indifference flowed
Through my hands

If only you could listen to me
Now
And forgive me for what
I said

But now with that mark
You’ve left on me
You’ve gotten your
Revenge

“Thanks for when
We were together.
I had a lovely time.”

The kind of thing
That should have snapped
Me out of it
And made me cry

Made me realize what
I was doing was wrong

But it’s been saved for
Until now

You will forever
Be a part of me
You will forever
Be a regret

You will always be the thing
I knew I should have kept

Your influence reaches
Into my speech
Into my writing
Into my head

Every day
All day

And not a day goes by
Where I don’t wonder why
I was so stupid and thick

Why I couldn’t see that
You were also the thing
I needed

I live and live and relive
All about us all over again

I live with those regrets
And in the end,
Every day of my life
I think of you again,
And
You reap your eternal revenge