Dread

Waking up at three a.m.
I notice you’ve undressed
Somehow in the interim

Entirely from pajamas
They’ve slid off
Just like my wave of rest

Realizing my hands
Are holding bare skin
And I close in

Ignoring what I know
From yesterday
And the days yet ahead

I thought I’d dreamed of
Sleeping beside you
Feeling your pulse beat

Now as I’m pushing aside
An encroaching fear I push
Blankets between us aside

Maybe this is it
Maybe this all we have
Who knows

No sensation of forthcoming
Pleasure as I wake you
Will push aside that ill dread

No high sighs of your
Stirring voice as I try to
Drown myself will comfort me

Not anymore
No more
To those forlorn

In the dead of night
Someplace we’d never
Been together

Some feelings we’d
Never experience outside
Of the next hour

Gutter turmoil of sloshing
Lusts and desires lazily
Rising to meet what’s next

Trying to look forward to
What might come next
Lost in the waves of blankets

Sweating for no end
No means to reason
The change of season

It was hot in the bed
Maybe it was because
Of that summer dread

It was clear
As I got up to
Open a window

That somehow
This was
It

Somehow
This beaconed an
End

Morose and trapped
Nothing left to do
But to go back to sleep

Nothing left to do
But to lay back
And dream

Try and shut
Out that beaming
Sinking feeling